nitropowered | katsuki bakugo ★ ic inbox

please come meet me at the beach
we need to talk

about us

[What a heavy message to wake up from a nap to. Katsuki stares at it for a while, frowning, as if he could work out what Izuku wants to talk about just from going over the words about a hundred times.

At first, he's not inclined to reply at all, and just go. But it occurs to him, if he's feeling apprehensive about this "talk" then Izuku's probably about 10 times worse off.]

yeah, I'll be there in 5

[He uses his quirk to get there within the time limit, and it's easier to find Izuku from the sky. It's about 4 and a half minutes before Katsuki drops from the sky in front of the other boy, mouth still set in a frown but red eyes locked on his face.]

What is it?

[It’s a heavy subject, which is why Izuku started the message with asking to talk in person. There’s too much that’s built up within it, too much time that’s passed (for him, but not for Kacchan, and that will never not feel strange and wrong), to do over text.

Izuku is at the edge of the beach, sitting in the grass with bare feet in the sand. He hears the blond coming, can pinpoint exactly where he’s coming from before he’s even in view, and that’s something to set aside and think about on his own later. For now, he simply looks up at Kacchan as he lands. The other boy is straight to the point. Izuku wouldn’t expect anything less.]

Sit down first? [A question, not an order.] This…might take some time.

[Mostly because Izuku still isn’t entirely sure how to put everything into words. He doesn’t want this to become yet another miscommunication between them, and if that means taking his time to find the right way to say everything, then that’s what he’ll do.]

[Looking at Izuku, Katsuki can feel the weight of whatever they're about to discuss, and he finds himself fidgeting, shifting his weight from foot to foot and then pulling one arm across his chest to stretch the muscle of his back, repeating it on the other side. For a few moments, he isn't sure he wants to do this, to have a "serious talk" with Izuku, there's so much between them, things are such a mess, he doesn't know how to verbalize half the things he thinks. Doesn't know how to interpret half the things he feels.

Part of him wants to spin on a heel and walk away and tell Izuku they can do this later. Later, once he's figured out what he's thinking and feeling and can verbalize it properly. Izuku had waited for the apology, he can wait for this too, right?

But something tells him Izuku isn't going to let him get away with that this time.

Mouth set in a straight line, he sits down, expression grim, and undoes his shoes, pulls them off and then pulls off his socks. Digging his toes into the sand, he stares at them for a few moments before saying anything. When he finally does talk, he intends to sound flippant but it comes out more severe.]

So what'd I do this time?

[Izuku had settled into staring out at the waves on the far side of the sand, but snaps his gaze back to the blond in surprise at that question. What?]

Nothing! [He almost continues, baffled Kacchan would think that's what this is about, but...technically it is.] Nothing bad.

[That's an important distinction. At least, it is to Izuku. It's the entire reason there's even a conversation to be had, Kacchan doing good things. For Izuku, to Izuku. Growth and change, happening right in front of his eyes, until suddenly he has reason to expect it of the other boy, to expect better than who Kacchan used to be.

And that's part of what makes this so hard. Because he didn't used to have any reason to expect anything from the other boy, other than cruelty. Everything about them, who they are as people, the relationship between them...it's all changed so much. Izuku doesn't know what they are, anymore, and has no idea how to figure it out.

If they can put it all out in the open, though...maybe he can find enough pieces to understand. Maybe he'll find the words for what he wants them to be, regardless of whatever they are now. It's worth a try. So...might as well start from the beginning, and work from there.]

Apology accepted.

[He shifts, fingers twining out of nervous habit. It's not what he wants to say -- what he dreamed of saying, when he still let himself dream of Kacchan apologizing to him, when the idea of merely having a normal conversation hadn't felt like a miracle in and of itself -- but it's what he can say honestly. He can't wait until he can say what he wishes he could, because that wouldn't be fair to either of them. Not to Kacchan and the work he's done improving himself, not to himself and what getting an apology he never expected meant to him.

Not when "I forgive you" requires actually forgiving him, and that's something that might never happen, no matter how much Izuku wants to.]

[It had almost been a relief, Izuku not looking at him, because right now the sense of something heavy in the air between them is so intense that Katsuki can feel the weight of his gaze when he turns to look at him. To hear that it's nothing bad isn't as comforting as Izuku probably means it to be - being in the kind of situation where he has to have a serious talk with someone, especially someone like Izuku, someone he has that kind of complicated relationship with, the conversation is going to be hard for him whether it's something bad or good.

Katsuki picks up and fiddles with a piece of driftwood for a moment, toes curling in the sand, and then lifts his head to look over at Izuku, just in time to hear 'apology accepted.' It takes a moment to register what he means. That feels like ages ago, even though not much has happened yet in this place.]

Oh.

[There's some hesitation there, because that can't be all. That's not the 'big talk' at all. Just two words? No way. So what else is there that Izuku wants to say? He fiddles for a moment or two with the driftwood before standing up and hurling it into the water as hard as he can, mouth set in a straight line.]

So what now?

[Izuku watching the throw, eyes following the poor chunk of driftwood as it flies out into the waves. Made it all the way to the edge of the beach only to get sent right back where it started.

He knows the feeling.]

I'm not sure. I mean, I know we have a lot to figure out, but...

[Where even to begin? There's so much to address, so many things to sort through. Who even are they to each other? Rivals doesn't feel entirely right, and Izuku isn't sure he wants to...to settle for that, anymore. Classmates is too distant. It doesn't feel like they're truly friends again, yet.

(Childhood friends implies the friendship was ever mutual, and Izuku's been scared of the answer to that for a very, very long time.)

He gestures awkwardly between them, one hand flicking back and forth.]

I...I don't know what we are, Kacchan. Nothing seems to fit.

[After throwing the driftwood, Katsuki stands still for a moment, digging his toes into the sand and fidgeting for a moment, almost like he's considering running. It would be easy, he thinks, to just turn and leave before Izuku can get his words together, can ask anything more of him. Izuku always seems to be asking so much of him, even when he's not asking for anything at all, and Katsuki...he's just not the type who's ever been good at giving.

Maybe that's why Izuku frustrates him so much, has always frustrated him, why he's always felt like he's ahead of Katsuki somehow. Because Izuku has so much to give, and being around him makes Katsuki think he should be giving more. Should be better. He knows he needs to be better, and it was Izuku who showed him that.]

I don't know what we are either, Izuku.

[His voice comes out soft, and he sits down heavily next to the other boy, again, not looking at him, just staring out into the ocean.]

None of the words I can think of are right. Rivals...it's not enough. Neither is classmates. Friends is too much.

[Why isn't 'rivals' enough? That's...that's something he'll have to think about. Because it means that Izuku really matters to him, and that's scary to think about, when Izuku can be so fragile despite how strong he is.]

But I think...I'm getting to the point where I know what I want us to be.

[Izuku can't help staring at the blond, after he speaks. That's...that's...]

...that's how I feel, too.

[And he never would've guessed that Kacchan would feel this way in a thousand years. How many other times have they felt the same and never realized it? How often has the moments he felt like Kacchan's thoughts and emotions were a confusing mystery actually been them being in perfect sync like this? Izuku settles his arms on his knees and his head on his arms; he feels oddly dizzy, trying to process this realization.

Kacchan feels the same about this as he does.

Maybe that means he feels the same about other aspects of their relationship, too. It's a thought that feels dangerously like hope.]

I've always known what I want us to be.

[The words are quiet. Not a whisper, just...delicate. As if admitting it might shatter whatever they currently have between them if not done gently enough.]

But I didn't think it'd ever be possible. Not until now.

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